Ask Bill

Dear Bill,

I would like your advise on a very serious subject. My daughter, "Daphne", is unable to tell the truth! Everything that comes out of her mouth is either an out right lie, or an extreme variation of the truth. All of these prevarications are seemingly designed to present "Daphne" in the most favorable light possible, and she seems to believe what she says is true! "Daphne" is 19 years old, she should have grown out of this behaviour long ago. "Daphne" is currently living with a relative. This relative, age 44, has a similar penchant for manipulating reality to her advantage. My wife and I have very little contact with either "Daphne" or her roommate. How can we show them the error of their ways?

Concerned in Vladivostok

Dear Concerned,

You're damn lucky you don't have to put up with these 2 lying a-holes on a daily basis. You should thank your lucky stars! And you must pray to Baal; sacrifice a small chicken at midnight, and smear the blood on all your door knobs. This will ward off other chickens. And quit your whining; you make me want to puke. In a hundred years we'll all be dead anyway, so who cares? Go out and buy a new gun, get drunk, and fire it into the air on January 1. The cops will arrest you, and you can spend the weekend in jail, you disgusting cheeseball....

Yours truly,

Bill